Why do couples drift apart even after spending years together? Why do people feel the need to talk to a stranger to understand the person that they once knew innately?
“If couples don’t work their relational and emotional ‘muscles,’ they become un-toned, weak, and create more of a chance of damage being done to their relationship.” — Ashley N. Grinonneau-Denton, CNN
Conflicts in Relationships:
When we think of dissatisfaction in a relationship, one of the prominent reasons that come up is ‘Conflict’. Through the movies/shows we watch and the novels we read, we have created this exceptional standard of love and marriage, where conflict is considered to be toxic, but conflict is natural and at times even considered an important aspect of any relationship. Hence, it is not the conflict that is a cause of worry, instead, it is the inability to resolve it effectively.
One of the best ways to learn to resolve these conflicts effectively is to see a relationship psychologist.
What is Couples Counselling?
Couples Counselling is for people facing trouble in any kind of romantic relationship (dating, engaged or married). It is to assist couples in building and maintaining stronger/healthier relationships. It is to support couples in learning effective ways of communicating and overcoming difficulties.
Couples can choose to seek therapy either individually or with a partner.
When to Seek Counselling for Relationship Issues?
Apart from an inability to resolve conflict or avoidance of conflict here are 5 other reasons to seek couples therapy
- Authority — When the couple finds difficulty in sharing an equal amount of leadership. This leads to one person being dominant in the relationship.
“I decide what my partner will wear, who they meet, where they will go, place for our vacation….” “My partner should respect everything I say even if he/she does not agree with me.”
- Lack of communication — Ignoring each other in an attempt to avoid conflict. Conversations aren’t two way, one listens only to respond, there is constant complaining, blaming and argument.
“I am very upset at my partner for making fun of me in front of my friends, but instead of talking, I would rather ignore.”
- Emotional divorce — When partners do not feel emotionally attached.
“I feel lost in this relationship.” “I feel as though my freedom is lost.”
- Not being appreciated — One partner is too critical of the other or is always pointing at the negative aspects of the other.
“You are pathetic, you can never do anything right.” “You always embarrass me in front of others.” “You are not capable of this job.”
- No accountability — One partner ends up feeling responsible for every problem that arises.
“I drank because you screamed at me.” “I am sorry but I only said those things because you did not listen to me.”
Couples can choose to seek counselling at varied stages. Some couples might choose to attend counselling at the very beginning of their relationship, such as couple education Programs. Others might choose to take up premarital programs to become prepared for marriage, or after being married, due to marital dissatisfaction. There is no universal right time to seek counselling. It depends on individual preferences, resources and difficulties. You can find experienced relationship psychologists online at ManoShala.
Marriage counselling is “the cleansing before you get to the other side that is understanding and moving forward in a relationship.” — Will Smith, The Sun
By
Muskan Gupta, Psychologist, Manoshala
